Faded tattoo: celebrating a middle-age birthday

It was thirty years ago that I got my first tattoo. A little yellow moon with a blue heart. I designed it myself. My poor mom had a fit when she saw it. Now that I’ve raised children of my own, I understand her sentiment. Mothers gestate these perfect little beings, and then those babies have the nerve to grow up and do with their lives whatever they want. They stop listening to their moms and they get tattoos. I suppose this is the way Mother Nature intended it.

After all this time, I still like that little moon tattoo.

I’m celebrating another birthday today, and not a particularly notable one. I am 48 years old. I suppose when I turn 50, I will throw a big party or go on a tropical vacation. This year I’m working, caring for patients who will never know it’s my birthday. A patient visit is not about me, after all, which is why I love my work so much. I hope I get a few interesting visits in, and will feel that I am useful. As this age, all I want to feel sometimes is that I am still useful.

I have a couple other tattoos and I’d like one or two more. Tattoos are a way of telling this mortal world that I was here, I chose to make a mark. I made an unerasable decision which I am more than happy to live with. There have been many decisions I made that will leave a bigger mark than a tattoo, like raising children, being married, working, making art, and being a friend. But the tattoos are a nice metaphor for the dye I cast, and the leaps taken which cannot be taken back.

My wish on this birthday is that my loved ones will feel the mark I have chosen to make, which is to love them the best way that I know how. My children, family, and friends know that I care about and support them. Relationships are, I believe, our main purpose. Caring for long-term relationships and tending to shorter-term ones are what give many of our lives meaning. This doesn’t mean that all relationships last, but they always mattered anyway.

On this Holy Week, I reflect on Jesus’ Law of Love, which commands us to love God with all of our hearts, minds, and strength, and to love ourselves and others. Since we know that God is Love, this message transcends all human failings. Love makes a mark in our hearts that is indelible and eternal. The world may forget our names, but our love lasts.