Where the Fairy Tales End

Like most American women, I was raised watching Disney princesses. Cinderella, Snow White, Ariel, and Belle were the architypes, the ideals, of maidenhood, which would lead to the woman I was supposed to become. The world of Disney seems to be uniquely designed to socialize girls. The problem is, of course, that the Disney vision is foolish.

If these stories were wise and useful, they would have taught me this:

1.     Prince Charming is a narcissist. Seriously, any man who shows up on a white horse for a date (or a super fancy car) is suspect. Prince Charming has money and a feel for decadence. But does he care about the princess’s inner person? Furthermore, a dependable guy will typically gravitate to a reliable car, probably a Toyota product.

2.     Blended family is complicated but not evil. Poor Cinderella has absent parents and mean-girl steps: a duality of good girl vs. bad girls. Sometimes blended families work out beautifully, when everyone is treated equally and fairly. But often blended families simply fail to meet everyone’s needs. Successes, failures, and draws come from the best intentions.

3.     No matter how clever a woman is, she can’t reform a troubled man. Belle, in Beauty and the Beast, encourages girls to believe a terrible lie- that the love of a good woman transforms a violent man into a loving husband. The trauma that goes into the creation of an angry man is something that can only be treated with professional behavioral health care.

4.     Ariel was not missing a thing when she was a mermaid. Being part of nature is way better than being in the “civilized world” sometimes. The Irish story of the Selkie is more accurate. In the Celtic variation of the Little Mermaid, the Seal Woman finds her seal skin, puts it back on, and swims away. When a woman discovers her wildish nature, nothing replaces her freedom or joy.

5.     The dualistic vision of good girls vs. bad girls is gobbledygook. The sister-story of Elsa and Anna in Frozen is an improvement on earlier Disney narratives, because the central conflict is about female relationships; but it still misses the mark. Women, men, people in general, have elements of darkness, lightness, and neutrality. Successes and failures in relationships, with oneself and others, depends on how we handle complexity.

I wonder what a Disney princess would be like if a Crone wrote her story. The Crone would need to create a narrative that prepares a girl to find her voice, be responsible for her actions, and choose a road that fits her soul’s character. It would be a tale of wisdom- not fantasy