Be responsible for your passing: creating an advanced directive

The reason earthly life is so precious is because it ends. It just does. And I don’t think our culture has a proper understanding and respect for death and dying, or life, for that matter. The finite and fragile quality of our beings is so often masked behind the common worries of the day, instant gratifications, and childish denials. I am guilty of this too, sometimes. I can convince myself that my day won’t come for decades, and hopefully it won’t, and so I put off creating a plan. However, we truly don't know what can happen- so write that advanced directive.

The reason I am not able to hide from the reality of death and dying for long is because of my work. As a hospital chaplain, I have witnessed many people die before they expected. It happens all too often in the milieu where I choose to serve. The unpredictable nature of human life is why it is so important to have a plan for its end and put that plan in a legal document. The legal documents vary from state to state. In Washington State, this website has the documents you can use to assign a medical agent and/or state your end-of-life wishes. The documents require two signatures or a notary, and so it could take a couple steps.

It can be painful to witness a family trying to guess what a patient would have wanted if they had made a plan. People wrack their memories in this scenario trying to recall “that one conversation they had many years ago.” Family members may remember the dying person once saying, “I wouldn’t want to be kept alive if I was a vegetable.” Or family might reminisce that a patient stated the other extreme: “I would want them to do anything to keep me alive.” Critical events are rarely this or that.

Each person needs to be responsible for their life, and that means making a plan for what is important when it ends.

Planning for such matters doesn’t have to be all sadness and anticipatory grief. When I recently filled out my advanced directive, I felt comforted. I asked myself: What is important to me? What do I believe? What could I tolerate living with? What can I simple not endure? A simple, two-page document provided an opportunity for me to think carefully about who I am.

While filling out my advanced directive, I was able to think outside the box and get a little creative. If I were to be very sick, what would cheer me up? A visit with pets would make me quite happy. Hospitals have volunteer therapy dogs to visit. I also love music and literature. Playing one of my Spotify lists or an audio book would be helpful. I have preferences and it’s good to let someone know that.

It’s uncomfortable to be a responsible human being. It’s not easy to think carefully about one’s mortality. Yet the impact of being responsible, of making a plan and sharing it, can be rich and rewarding. I have witnessed well-planned deaths, and they can be peaceful for the patient and meaningful for loved ones. There is such thing as a “good death.” Making a plan can ensure that one’s last day on earth is a tribute to life and spirit, and a powerful capstone to one’s legacy.