Answering “Where is God in This?”

It took years to become a chaplain. It was a commitment.  However, some days, I ask myself, why am I doing this? This is really hard. The pay is modest for the skill-level, and the burn-out rate is high. The answer is this work takes me closer to the human condition and closer to God. It’s compelling.

The part of the job that brings me closer to the human condition is what causes burn out. My hospital, like many, seems to have too many assaults on staff, patients who go AMA (against medical advice), and frequent re-admissions. Some of the people I serve are violent and many are victims of violence. It’s not easy to serve here.

I’ve witnessed violence in my life, but seeing people in the hospital as a result of it disturbs me. I am called to care for victims of rape, assault, and even attempted murder occasionally, and it’s tough. I am also deeply saddened when I care for young people facing an impossible prognosis, with their young children and parents weeping at their sides. There are things that happen in hospitals that are beyond comprehension.

Questions I ask frequently are: How can this be happening? Where is God in this? What of God can we find in these situations? What is God looking for in us here?

The answer is Love. Doctors and nurses saving lives with skill is Love. Chaplains holding space for grief is Love. Families saying “goodbye” and “see you on the other side” is Love. Sometimes, Love is in an unexpectedly good outcome.

Even during the darkest moments in the hospital, I have witnessed Love. For example, I responded to a Code Gray, or potentially unsafe situation. A patient had ripped out a PICC line from their upper arm and headed for the stairwell because their addiction told them it was time for a hit. They were not allowed to leave due to a legal hold. Before it was over, security guards had been thrashed by the patient and verbally abused. Nevertheless, the patient was safely returned.

Where was God in this?

Then I saw it. A younger security guard had tears in his eyes. This person was the eyes of God, sadly watching the tragedy of this patient’s sickness. His witness was a form of Love.

Yes, the sweet experiences of loving friends, children, and family are the meat and potatoes in the banquet of life. But Love can also be found in the messy, chaotic, and unsafe moments. Sometimes, Love is like Baked Alaska Flambe. The fire yields sweetness.

Where is God? Look closer. You will see.